Bring it on, Vesuvius!

So my bitchen’-ass leather man-bag broke somewhere in Italy, & it soldiered on albeit handicapped for a while.  I returned it to Galeria kaufhof at Alexanderplatz in Berlin where I bought it, WITHOUT my receipt, they scowled and shook fingers but they exchanged it outright! FTW!  Before returning it, I dumped all the contents into a crate to clean it out, and here’s what it yielded:

1 wrapped anti-bacterial tissue
1 mini speaker set for mp3player
1 shoehorn, long
1 tube hair glue
1 tube hand cream
1 pair cheap ND wraparound sunglasses
1 bag cigarette filters, quarter-full
1 philips head screwdriver
sundry business cards
1 tin of grapefruits mints from Spain
various small incindiary devices
1 necklace made of leather and the bones of Clementine’s left foot
1 toothbrush
1 comb
1 black leather belt, universal
1 charger cable, USB
various condoms, vitamins, hot sauce packs & candy bars
3 Kugelschreiber
1 hairband (note: NOT a scrunchie)
1 black glove
1 rather scratched up burn copy of “Anchorman”
1 set Alpine Musicsafe Pro ear-protection butt-plugs
1 half-full tube of Bepanthen salbe
1 powder-blue elastic pig-tail band, used for guitar cables, perv